Legion (2010) Review

I absolutely love horror movies. My dad introduced me to horror films around 2010 and since then I’ve been a horror junkie. Some of my earliest viewings of horror included The Crazies (2010), Final Destination, Scream, Paranormal Activity, Fright Night (2011), and Legion. Legion was one of the earliest horror movies I had seen and I remember watching it more than once. I would watch it with each one of my friends and I remember it being amazing. I hadn’t seen it for a couple of years and this weekend I decided to give it a re-watch. However, I really wish that I didn’t. 

Legion is a 2010 horror film directed by Scott Steward. It stars Paul Bettany as Michael and Adrianne Palicki as Charlie. The film revolves around the archangel Michael. Michael was sent to Earth to kill a baby who had the potential to save the human race from God’s destruction. God decides to kill the human race because he believes there is no hope left for them. However, Michael cuts off his angel wings and decides to help the human race instead.

Michael is dropped off from heaven in Los Angeles and prepares for war. He needs to get weapons, so obviously the first place to look is a toy factory. Luckily the toy factory has a vault full of military grade weapons so he steals the weapons, a cop car, and heads out to find Charlie and her baby in the Mojave Desert.

Meanwhile, at the Paradise Falls diner, we are introduced to Jeep. Jeep is in love with Charlie, a single pregnant waitress at his father’s diner. We are introduced to Percy, the chef who is ex-military and missing a hand. Inside the diner are also Howard, Sandra, and their daughter Audrey. The family is stuck in the desert because their car broke down. Kyle is also in the diner because he got lost trying to visit his son and ex-wife. Now that we are introduced to all the characters, an emergency broadcast appears on the TV and the phones go out. All of the characters are confused and arguing about what to do. As they are discussing, an old lady walks in and begins to harass Charlie. She tells Charlie her “fucking baby is gonna burn”. The lady takes a bite out of Howard’s neck and crawls all over the walls until Kyle shoots her down.

The film is off to a pretty bad start. Although the acting is all right, all of the characters are so bland and lacking non-stereotype personalities. There is the bad father trying to turn his life around, the rebellious daughter, the badass ex-military guy, the hero, and more. All of the characters are just so boring and putting all of them in a room together results in no tension or interest. The grandma scene was nice because something finally happened, but the CGI looked awful. Also, we got to see a police officer possessed at the beginning of the film and it looks nothing like the old lady.

The gang decides to take Howard to the hospital, but they are stopped by a huge swarm of flies. Michael arrives at the diner and gives them all guns and helps barricade everyone inside. He gives no explanations but motivates them all with fear. They go up to the roof to keep watch and an ice cream truck appears. The writers aren’t fooling anybody and the driver turns out to be a spiderlike possessive demon (angel). They shoot the driver down easily. The spider creature looked pretty good and was actually scary. The theme of the truck was creepy and I was expecting an interesting battle, but the team shoots him and he goes down immediately. The build-up resulted in a lame “fight” and now the possessed aren’t scary because we all just saw how easily they can be taken down.

After they shoot the ice cream truck driver, around a hundred more cars come to attack the diner. The team shoots the cars and possessed people down. The special effects looked pretty good during this scene and a lot of it was done practically. However, watching a group of people shoot cars got pretty old. Then, out of nowhere, the horde decides to stop attacking the diner. The horde managed to get Howard, but they just gave up. Michael explains it was a test of their strength. Michael explains more of the plot and tells the group that Charlie’s baby is humanity’s last hope and explains how he came from heaven to help stop the apocalypse. Although it is an interesting concept, it was executed horribly. The possessed human aren’t scary at all because we’ve seen how easily they are taken out and how easily they give up. The only thing scary about them is the audience has no idea how they work since they were so poorly explained. 

The angels start preying on their weaknesses after discovering their strength. They tie up Howard and use him to lure Sandra out of the diner. Howard was shown tied to a pole with bursting pores and it looked awful and unbelievable. The angel’s plan works and Percy is killed trying to get Sandra back to safety. Later that night the angels try again. A dad and his son come to the diner to fill up their car but angels swarm them.  The dad dies and Kyle jumps off of the roof to save the child. Of course the child is possessed and Kyle is killed. THEN AUDREY DECIDES TO JUMP OFF THE ROOF EVEN THOUGH SHE SAW THE BOY KILL KYLE AND SHE SAW KYLE DIE. Regardless, Michael saves Audrey even though she deserved to die. While saving Audrey, the possessed boy gets into the diner and tries to kill Charlie. The boy accidentally clean cuts both of his thumbs off. Suddenly the lights go out and the boy disappears. They group sees a trail of bloody handprints on the ceiling. I’m not sure how the child made bloody thumbprints on the walls without any thumbs, but let’s pretend we didn’t just see the kid’s thumbs cut off. So they finally gun down the possessed child and immediately after Charlie starts going into labor. We’ve been constantly told the baby wasn’t due for a few weeks, but I guess I’ll ignore that too.

Almost the entire movie has been building up to Charlie giving birth. The baby is supposed to be the savior of humanity and the possessed people have to kill Charlie before she gives birth. As Charlie goes into labor, Jeep is on the roof and can see an army of hundreds outside of the diner. The gang gears up for an epic fight and the audience gets really excited for the final battle. Charlie delivers the baby after 2 minutes of being in labor while an entire army of angels waits outside and lets it happen. I thought their entire goal was to stop this baby from being born. WHY ARE THEY LETTING IT HAPPEN WITHOUT A FIGHT? Another problem became clear to me at this point in the movie. This movie rarely has any scenes. The editing is awful, it was as if the editor took a bunch of complete scenes, cut out only the middle, and pasted all of those together.  

Now that the baby is born, Michael tells the group God is going to send the angel, Gabriel, to kill the baby since the possessed people can’t go near the child. It doesn’t make much sense but once again, I’ll roll with it. So Gabriel comes to kill the baby and Sandra is his first victim. He kills Bob with his razor sharp wings. Jeep, Charlie, Audrey, and the baby escape while Michael and Gabriel fight. While the group walks outside, they are not attacked because the possessed can’t go near the baby. I can buy that, but I can’t buy the fact that the possessed didn’t destroy their getaway car. We have been shown throughout the movie the possessed can function, drive, talk, and aren’t brainless, so why couldn’t they do SOMETHING to stop the four survivors from leaving?

The fight between Michael and Gabriel was supposed to have weight and be emotional, but that fails because there is not a relationship between the two characters. Michael and Gabriel shared a 2-minute scene before Gabriel comes down to kill the baby. This is not enough time to build an emotional relationship. The fight between the two angels was pretty cool but got boring fast. Michael used guns against Gabriel’s bulletproof wings so many times I lost track. It didn’t work a single time, but he kept trying over and over again. The good thing about this fight was that the stunts were practical and Paul Bettany did most of his own stunts. Eventually Gabriel kills Michael, but Gabriel only kills him by stabbing both of them through the chest. However, this is completely ignored and Gabriel walks away without a scratch. Gabriel tells Michael he shouldn’t have chosen to be human because now he will die like one, but Michael evaporates in a bright light. I’m not an expert, but I’m pretty sure that isn’t how humans die. After Michael disappears, Bob blows up Gabriel in a huge explosion. Luckily, before Bob dies, he can give a cheesy one-liner. “Sorry. We’re out of business”. 

Somehow, Gabriel survives the explosion and comes for the baby as Jeep, Charlie, and Audrey are all driving away. Jeep speeds up and hits the brakes, which sends Audrey and Gabriel flying out of the car. This also causes the car to flip and crash into a ditch. Miraculously, the newborn baby survives a massive car crash. Don’t ask me how, but it does. Charlie and Jeep travel on foot and Gabriel comes back from the dead for the third time. Right before Gabriel is about to kill Jeep, Michael comes back from the dead with new angel wings. Michael defeats Gabriel and spares his life. Michael explains how he convinced God to stop the apocalypse. I’m not sure how because this is a pretty major decision and I feel like it would take more than 5 minutes to convince God, but somehow Michael did it. Michael tells Jeep he must protect the baby, but from what?! The apocalypse is over. The baby isn’t needed to save the world if the world is already saved. Jeep, Charlie, and the baby are showing driving away in a Jeep (get it?) and the trunk is loaded with impressive weapons. The ending makes zero sense. What do they need to fight against when the conflict has been resolved? How could the writers have missed this? This movie has so many inconsistencies and loopholes, but this was definitely the biggest one. 

I regret re-watching this movie. When I was a teenager, I thought this movie was awesome and I can confidently say it was one of the films that introduced me to my love for horror. Now, I can barely stand it. It was really boring and only a few scenes held my interest. The characters were also awful and everyone was stereotypical. The only one who wasn’t was Sandra, but she was so poorly written it didn’t even matter. I also hate Charlie and Jeep. Their relationship was awful, but it was the most important relationship in the film. They get a scene together in the beginning of the movie and don’t talk again until the hour mark in an hour and a half movie. To make things worse, the two characters have zero chemistry. The movie felt a lot like Terminator, but unlike Terminator this movie wasn’t good. I appreciate this movie for what it did for me, but I’m not sure how I used to like it. Luckily, Legion opened the door for horror movies and allowed me to see some pretty amazing films.